I'm still here
by thatTWWgirl
Summary: Josh thought going two weeks without his wife would be hard, but he had no idea what they were about to go through. Married!Josh and Donna go through Gaza and its aftermath. Companion to Donna Moss's Orphan Collective and Nine Kinds of Pain.


**A/N: So on my last _Orphan Collective_ chapter, I got quite a few requests to explore the events of Gaza and the wake of the explosion. I'm glad this came up, as I've actually been wanting to do this for some time! As I don't feel I can adequately cover this material in one or two chapters, I'm going to make it into its own separate story. I hope you guys enjoy!**

 **Love you all, as always!**

 **Reviews: "Sing about me I'm dying of thirst"**

 **Disclaimer: They may feel like they're mine, but sadly...**

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Josh sways gently as he walks through the West Wing at a slower pace than usual, trying to keep his ten month old daughter calm. He hums softly, and the soft sighing noise she makes near his ear makes him hopeful that she'll drift off soon. He can work with a baby asleep on his shoulder, but isn't quite so successful when he's got a loud and active one crawling around and babbling. After receiving the baby eyes from Margaret, he uses one hand to open the door to Leo's office without knocking. Leo looks up with a slight smirk, as does the man he's meeting with, the Secretary of Labor.

"Hey, kid." Leo greets affectionately. "Day care hours over already?"

Josh rolls his eyes. "Some kid has mono so they sent everybody home. If Elise gets it I swear to god I'm suing. And if she gets it, then you know Noah's going to get it, and hell, probably me, too, which is just what I need-"

"Josh." Leo interrupts. "I'm in a meeting, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Right." Josh nods at the secretary. "Secretary Lowry, how are you?"

"Pretty well, my boy. I don't believe I've met this charming young lady."

"My daughter." Josh grins. He turns slightly so that the secretary can see Elise's face, and at his wave Elise perks up and smiles for him. _Great, so much for a nap._ "Now, Leo."

"Yes?"

"Have you seen my kid?"

"The one you're holding?"

Josh rolls his eyes. "Noah. I lost Noah."

"You lost your son?" Leo asks in feigned shock. Eyes twinkling, he casts a glance under his desk and winks.

"Leo, c'mon. He was playing in the bullpen one minute, I turn around to take a phone call-"

"What makes you think I've seen him?"

"Because. The two of you are always scheming against me."

Leo scoffs. "I'm a busy man, Josh. I don't have time to entertain your child."

"Just tell me he's okay."

"Oh I'm sure that he is." A high pitched giggle emits from under Leo's desk, and even the Secretary can't help a wide smile.

"Great. Now I've got some memos to get through and calls to make, then I'm getting out of here, okay? I've still gotta get all the crap we need for dinner, and Christ, I think we need diapers too, I've got that conference call at eight, which is right in the middle of bed time-"

"Josh."

"Mm?"

"Still in a meeting."

"Right. I'll see you later."

"Poor kid." Leo stage whispers to the Secretary. "His wife left him."

"Oh dear."

Josh glares at him. "My wife did _not_ leave me! Stop telling people that."

Leo cackles. "Well, is she here?"

"She left, for a trip that _you_ commissioned, for two brutal weeks. So really, you're to blame for all of this."

Leo grins. "Of course."

Just then, both Leo and Josh's pagers go off. Josh checks his on his hip and furrows his brow at the emergency code displayed there. From the bullpen, he hears a loud din starting, including TVs and dozens of people talking over one another. He starts into the hallway, but is intercepted by a stony-faced CJ.

"Josh, you need to come out here."

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 _Two weeks earlier_

 _"And remember if you take them to the park, you've gotta make sure to put sunscreen on them both and then Elise should wear a hat, too. There's the little bucket one with the frogs on it, you know? It should be in her top left drawer, by the-"_

 _"Donna." Josh interrupts her in a slightly amused tone. "I've got this."_

 _She bites her bottom lip, looking extremely frazzled as she stands over her open suitcase. Josh watches her from the bed. "I know you do. Of course you do. It's just..."_

 _"It's the longest you've ever been away from them." Josh already knows what she's going to say. "I know. I'd be freaking out too."_

 _She sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to micromanage, you're a great dad and I know that, but-"_

 _"Hey, I'm worried too. I'm only half of what keeps this household running. Actually, more like a third. A quarter. I definitely need you, is what I'm saying."_

 _She smiles slightly. "You are half."_

 _He waves a hand. "But, seriously, I got this. They'll miss you, but frankly I'm more worried about me. This is the longest we've been apart, too, you know that?"_

 _She gives him a look. "I think you'll manage, hon."_

 _"Doubtful."_

 _She starts rearranging her suitcase for the sixth time. "Do you think I'll need my overalls for any reason?"_

 _Josh grins. "C'mere."_

 _"What?" Donna looks up, her wild eyes reminding him of the time she's been tasked with finding a single piece of paper amongst a massive array of boxes. She'd gone off on a tangent about how he'd sucked her into his life of crime, but he hadn't been able to take her seriously because of how adorable she looked. He feels much the same now._

 _"I think you're pretty much packed." He pats the space beside him. "Now, c'mere."_

 _Resigned, she climbs past the suitcase and flops down next to him. Immediately, he puts an arm around her and she curls into him. "Mm."_

 _"Now, I'll say it again, just for good measure-"_

 _"Josh-"_

 _"I don't think you should go."_

 _She breathes deeply into his shoulder, one hand gently rubbing his chest. "I know, babe."_

 _"It's dangerous over there."_

 _"I'll be with countless Secret Service, Josh."_

 _"Plus, I'll miss you."_

 _She smiles against him. "I know. I'll miss you too."_

 _"So that's two solid reasons."_

 _"I want to go, Josh. I want to do this. Toby asked me. He wants a stronger White House presence there, and he wants me to report back my personal findings. This feels important, and I want to do it."_

 _"I'm not so sure he didn't just ask you there to keep an eye on Andi." Josh says dryly._

 _"Either way. It'll be an experience. I haven't traveled overseas much, and I'm excited. I'm just a poor, simple Midwestern girl finally getting to see more than six hours worth of the Old World. Please be excited with me."_

 _Josh sighs. "I'm trying."_

 _She hums softly, her fingers still grazing over his chest. "Thank you."_

 _"I'll be more excited for you when you get back, how's that?"_

 _"Deal."_

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"Donna? What about Donna?" Josh urges, gaze flicking frantically between Toby and the TV screen, still playing footage of a smoldering wreckage. He feels his heart hammering in his throat and a familiar, painful rush of adrenaline.

Toby's face falls as he listens to Andi. "She was in the car that..." He swallows. "Andi saw people put in ambulances, that's all she knows."

Josh barely registers CJ easing Elise out of his arms, one hand gently rubbing his back as she does. Josh feels his entire world collapse in that moment. His mind kicks into hyper drive. _She can't be - she must be - she's fine - she has to be._ He can barely form coherent thought. All he knows is that he can't contemplate a life without Donna: his wife, his best friend, his rock. He almost wishes she was there to help him process this news.

Just then, Josh hears a wavering voice from behind him. "Dad? What's wrong?"

It feels as though the entire bullpen has gone silent. Josh feels the crushing weight of reality drop onto his shoulders. He's not the only one that matters in this situation. In fact, he's the last person he should be thinking about. He turns slowly to find Noah hesitating in the hall near his office door, Leo a few steps behind him, looking devastated.

Josh's eyes start to water even as he puts on a brave smile and drops to his knees in front of his son. "Hey, buddy." His voice comes out choked.

"Something bad happen?"

"Sort of." Josh says softly. He puts his hands on Noah's shoulders, making eye contact with him though it's hard. "Your mom... Your mom was in an accident, kiddo."

"Accident?" Noah knows this word. He's even been called it a couple times.

"A...car accident."

"She hurt?"

"We don't know very much about that yet. She's very far away from us, remember? Remember how we dropped her off by the big airplane? Well she's all the way across the world right now, and it's taking the information a little bit to get back to us."

"She okay?"

Josh purses his lips. He has to be strong for his kids, no matter what happens. He's got to keep it together. "Yeah, buddy, she's going to be okay."

Noah smiles. "Okay. Good."

Just then, Josh realizes that Noah can likely see the TV screens over his shoulder. To keep him from seeing the sheer devastation of the wreck, he pulls him into a tight hug, keeping his head tucked into his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Noah. I've got you."

Noah sinks onto his knees, unusually content to be immobile for the time being. "Okay, dad."

From a few feet behind them, Toby, CJ, and Leo all watch in awe. Because they work with Josh so closely, it's easy to forget that they don't know all sides of him. To them, he is the obnoxious but lovable little brother, joking around and consistently worth teasing. But their family isn't the only one he's a part of - he's someone's dad. To two tiny people, he is the embodiment of strength, stability, and protection. And right now, he's the only thing standing between his son and crippling fear. They can see it now, how gracefully he handles these roles.

He's barely holding it together, and yet he holds his son. Donna is his world, and right now he's holding up the sky. Wiping away a tear, CJ thinks about how proud Donna would be of her husband right now.


End file.
